Who would have thought that searching for a career would produce the goal of increasing love and connection in my life? I certainly didn’t but that’s exactly what happened when I was examining Anthony Robbins’ theory of six human needs. According to Robbins, we all have six human needs that must be met in order to live fulfilling lives. He outlines the six needs in his fascinating TED Talk “Why We Do What We Do”. He explains that the ultimate goal of all behaviour is to satisfy one or more of those needs. The first four are the Needs of the Personality and are summarised below:
1. Certainty – the need to feel secure, comfortable and safe
2. Uncertainty (Variety) – the need to have a variety of experiences and challenges
3. Significance – the need to feel important, respected, special and unique
4. Love/Connection – the need to love and be loved; to feel connected to others
The last two human needs are the Needs of the Spirit:
5. Growth – the need to continually develop new skills and learn new things
6. Contribution – the need to contribute something valuable to others or a particular cause
While exploring this topic it occurred to me that in order for a career to be fulfilling it must meet all six human needs. So, I began investigating Robbins’ theory further and how it might advance the search for my ideal career. I completed a test here that assessed which of the six humans needs is most important to me expecting that it would be useful in my career search. I was struck by the results. I thought Significance would be at the top of the list but it turns out that Growth is number one, followed by Contribution then Uncertainty. Significance, Certainty and Love/Connection were lucky last. I was not so surprised that Growth is my most important need but I felt concerned when I saw that Love/Connection was in the bottom three.
I know that love and connection are vital in this world and, in all honesty, I crave those things. I think we all do. I do, however, find it difficult to connect with people on a deep level and I know others struggle with this too. I think I subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) avoid getting close to people for a number of reasons. Now that this lack of love and connection has been brought to my attention (even if by accident) I can do one of two things. I can accept it or I can change it. Well I am certainly not going to accept it so…another self development project is born! This doesn’t mean I will stop the quest to find my calling. I will work on both at the same time. I will continue Finding a Meaningful Path as well as increasing love and connection in my life.
How does one increase love and connection in their life? Well, according to a Psychology Today article (best website ever) called Simple Steps for Increasing the Love in Our Lives we can create the feeling of love (not necessarily romantic love) whenever we like. There are a few simple things you can do to achieve this and I have summarised them below:
Be present: Regularly take 10 minutes to relax and focus on your senses.
Concentrate on the best moments of each day: Write down your good experiences each day. You can also create these experiences yourself rather than waiting for them to happen.
Connect with people you encounter: Use eye contact, smiling, touching etc to create a connection with others. Give people the benefit of the doubt when you don’t understand their choices.
Listen: Forget your agenda and give your full attention to what’s going on around you.
Keep gratitude lists: Write down what you love about the people closest to you, your work, daily tasks etc. Accept or change what bothers you.
Pay it forward: Be generous with your care and attention. Give to someone in need when you feel poor.
Say yes as much as possible: Say yes to opportunities and possibilities. It will open you up to new friendships, experiences and fun.
Read daily meditations with regularity: Read books and quotes that make you feel positive. Read them more frequently when you feel stressed.
Use abundance journals: When you have doubts about being able to attract amazing things in your life write your aim down then write all the things that happen each day toward that end. When you feel discouraged re-read what you have written.
Maintain basic self care: Love and respect your body by eating and sleeping well. Exercise, laugh and play regularly.
Listen to your spirit: Check in with yourself regularly to assess your current feelings, needs and anything preventing you from experiencing joy.
This may seem like a lot to remember so, if you like, just choose a few to focus on each day and see what happens!
Do you have any suggestions about how to increase love and connection? Let me know in the comments section below.
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